Dear Why Team member,
I hope this week’s message finds you living in vision.
Do you have authors/speakers that consistently inspire you and fuel your days? Dr. Kevin Elko has been one of my motivators for years as our thinking is congruent - so you’ll see me quoting him from time to time. If you’ve heard him speak before, you very likely heard him ask his audience are you living in vision or living in circumstance?
We humans are so wired to live “do to be” as opposed to “be to do”.
Cause and effect is so obviously real, like dropping a glass and then it breaks, running a stop sign and then getting hit by a car, exercising a muscle and then feeling the pain.
So prominent and ever present is cause and effect in our lives that it’s natural to believe that peace and happiness require the same; being dependent on a cause to achieve the effect of happiness. However, reaching the horizon is an impossible goal. There are always the irritants in life and if we come to believe they must be gone to achieve happiness, we will spend our lives chasing the horizon - the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
The belief that we must “do” something to “be” happy makes perfect sense in the “cause and effect” world, however, in the attitudinal world, the opposite is true.
When we live “be to do”, rather than “do to be”, our being has a profound impact on our doing. Ever notice that person walking through a store with a smile on their face, lightness in their step and maybe even whistling?
My grandfather was a whistler, as am I. It’s interesting for me to note when I spontaneously start to whistle, it’s often not a conscious choice - the whistling just begins and calls me to notice my attitude of joy and contentment.
A year or so ago, a good friend sent me an insight that I added to my morning devotional as a reminder:
Choose a positive state of being in advance of anything you know you are going to think, say, or do – “life has very little to do with what you are doing and very much to do with what you are being while you are doing it - be happy and peaceful first then proceed and you will be happy and peaceful in whatever you are doing in the NOW, not dependent on any doing or any outcome.” - author unknown
In other words there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
How incredibly powerful and relieving is it to know that our BEST DAY EVER is NOT CODEPENDENT on circumstances, but is rather born from an attitudinal choice.
“Choose a state of Being!” in advance of anything you know you are going to think, say or do.
If we don’t, we may find ourselves reactively in a state of codependency. One of the most significant teachers in my life, Dr. Curt Spear, defined codependency for me. He said codependency is when you depend on an external state to achieve an internal state.
Well, that says a lot doesn’t it?
Most people live codependent lives, dependent on others being a certain way for them to be okay, dependent on the government to be a certain way to be okay, dependent on circumstances to be a certain way to be okay. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the unlikelihood of living many Best Days Ever when living codependently.
I know a woman who was so gratified to be divorcing her husband of 21 years sharing that the entire marriage she suffered from worry; she worried “is the marriage going to work, or is it going to fail, is it going to work or is it going to fail”. She said it is just so comforting to finally know the truth:
It’s going to fail.
Wow, think about that.
A marriage always has uncertainty with the potential of failing, but hey, once the marriage has failed, you have the benefit of certainty :-)
Worry is anticipatory fear often dependent on certainty to stop the worry.
Virginia Satir, a famous family therapist once shared an insight particularly profound and worthy of contemplation; she said:
“Most people prefer the certainty of misery over the misery of uncertainty”.
It will likely bother others when you choose an attitude of gratitude in the midst of hardship, but why must you be as sad and depressed as others around you? They may even call you un-empathetic because you are not reflecting back to them their same emotion, dependent on you to affirm their behavior. But let it be known that often the more optimal way to address the half empty portion of the glass is to be ever mindful of the half full portion. And yes, this means even whistling while we work - working at living our BEST DAY EVER, not dependent on circumstance, but rather living in gratitude and with a vision for how best to serve others, ourselves and our highest aspirations.
This week, choose more intentionally your state of Being to improve all your Doing - and no doubt you’ll make it a great week- your BEST WEEK EVER!