Dear Why Team member,
Happy New Year!
2019: Your Best Year Ever
MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS
When heard said by someone else, “Mind your own business” usually generates a negative feeling. Why? Because we live in society and as individualistic as we may be, we are still designed to want to belong to a group. When “Mind your own business” is something we decide to pursue, we may be surprised by the transformation in our lives; some, as the French say it “je ne sais quoi” peace settles upon us. For the best year of your life - love everything to transform everything.
Transform everything…here, it’s an encouragement to transform everything about us that we may not be proudest of. It’s…humbling ourselves to recognize our weaknesses.
We rarely hear it anymore but, there was a saying to describe one’s notice of their own judgement of others: “but I have not walked a mile in his/her shoes.”
This is a grounding recognition and acknowledgment of our ignorance and arrogance. It’s humility.
It takes lots of humility to recognize that everything you dislike in another, is present within you - and given the same circumstances - the same feelings or actions may just as well have arisen in you. It has been discovered that our intolerance of others, is often a projection of our own intolerance of what is possible in us. We work valiantly to be the best we can be, chastising our weaknesses only to find ourselves chastising the weaknesses of others.
It seems to me that just a couple of decades ago, there also used to be more respect of others and a humble awareness to stay out of other people’s business; even apologizing “please forgive me, that’s none of my business.” Today, we are so quick to judge others and be completely in their business- and rarely in a supportive way. Could this be a way to distract us from our own business? If so, you have a whole new year ahead of you to change that. Loving our uniquely gifted journey and imperfections empowers us to love others no matter how they may show up.
In a recent post, I spoke of peace on earth and how you can let it begin with you. We have enough of our own business to contend with to be in another’s business. Nonetheless, many are afraid to look within themselves and would rather focus on everything and everyone to avoid that internal look. A hyper-focus on others may be an attempt to avoid one’s deepest fear - a look within themselves. Maybe our most courageous journey, our greatest ever adventure in 2019, is to venture within ourselves to fearlessly discover from whence our true pain and judgment arises. Consider the riveting words of Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth.”
Why can’t we handle the truth?
Because the truth can end our life as we know it. If any part of our life is based on a lie, the truth, therefore, is a threat. But consider this, if the truth can end your life as you know it because your current life is built on a lie, then, that is a life you want to end. In other words, there is nothing to protect other than what’s not true. It’s the lies that limit. Lies limit what is possible for us. The lies we believe about others, often projections of lies we believe about ourselves, are the primary cause of today’s divisiveness - with self and others.
Einstein said we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that caused them. Owning our own business is our first order of business. Never forget that we do not have the whole story and never will. Most of us have even forgotten our own stories and rewrote them in a way to make ourselves the hero - and thus have become blinded by our own self-image.
Why are most people heroes of their own stories?
Because we are free to think what we think. How many are busy writing stories where others, certainly not themselves, are villains?! I guess every hero needs a villain.
Hmm, that makes sense.
But this storybook mindset is at the heart of relational dysfunction. Let’s consider taking ourselves down a notch or two.
For better connection with self and others. Imagine walking a mile in their shoes. Imagine living the life they lived with the parents and experiences they had. You don’t have to love or even like everyone, but a little compassion and understanding of different circumstances can go a very long way. Be in gratitude that your sufferings have not been worse.
I have been fortunate to make it through experiences with four words as my reminder: “It could be worse.”
And likely was worse for the very person or persons we dislike.
Gandhi called us all to BE THE CHANGE we want to see, but this is very difficult when we’re more in others’ business than our own.
In this brand-New Year, consider hiring a coach to help you STAY IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Be a more successful business owner in 2019 serving self and others like you have never served before.
Allow your primary product to be compassion, understanding, and love. Receiving healing first for yourself so that you may have it more in abundance for others.
Make it a great first week of 2019!