Life is Difficult

​Life is Difficult
 
So begins one of the most powerful books ever written:
“The Road Less Traveled”
by M. Scott Peck

Dear Why Team member,


 Life is Difficult
 
So begins one of the most powerful books ever written:
“The Road Less Traveled”
by M. Scott Peck

This book was on the New York Times best seller list for ten consecutive years- clearly it struck a chord. This opening line, may have some readers thinking that the tone of the next chapter is all doom-and-gloom. However, immediately after, Peck goes on to say that life becomes easier when we embrace this truth- yes, even the truth that’s hard to embrace in the moment. Brene Brown explains, “Choosing to write our own story, means choosing courage over comfort.”
It’s alright to take time to recover from punches; but don’t get too comfortable in being down. I encourage you to acknowledge that YOU GET TO choose to get up and continue the same road or choose another path.
I recently heard Tony Robbins say, “Our primary problem is that we believe we shouldn’t have any problems...every problem you have is life happening for you, not to you.” How hard is to swallow this truth in the moment of pain?
But with all this said, it does not deny the real pain we feel in the heat of our loss. And few things feel better than having someone come along side us with authentic care, concern and empathy. It’s important to know that we are not alone AND it is important to know that in time, we will be more than “just okay”; we will prevail and grow stronger for our experience.

Dr. Kevin Elko often encourages us to ask ourselves:
“Am I getting Bitter or Better?”

I certainly have had my moments of bitterness - and it felt good in the moment, but like alcohol, it can leave a nasty hangover with no real growth or resolution. I once heard bitterness described as a poison we drink to hurt someone else. There was a time in my life, not so long ago, that I returned to this awareness time and again to remind myself that I was only hurting myself with bitterness. We all have ideas about what we want and what we don’t want - what we believe to be the best and the worst for us, but it occurred to me in one of my darkest moments just two years ago, that our lives read like a story. How boring a story if it didn’t have twists and turns. Think about it! The book or the movie you remember for years is the one that made you say,
“Wow! I didn’t see that coming!”
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Life has a way of throwing us curve balls - we hit some, we miss some - but as the saying goes, it’s not our personal definition of what we define as winning or losing, it’s how we choose to play the game. Life always gives us a choice - a choice in how we think about any situation that arises. Sometimes the choice we want is no longer available to us, but there are other choices within our power. And it is within these choices that we can choose hope for a brighter tomorrow.
 
In my first posting for this new year, I wrote on the stoic formula of A+B=C: Adversity plus what we choose to Believe about it equals our Consequence, or Life Experience. Yes, take time to grieve your loss, be present and empathetic to those in the midst of loss, but know that in time what Nietzsche said, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” proves to be true. 
We all have our ideas about right and wrong and since we were kids have complained about life not being fair. The suffering comes from the expectation. We have all been in those dark places - but how many times were they the necessary catalyst for new understanding about ourselves?!  Hindsight’s always 20-20.  Does not the eventual overcoming give us more hope in the midst of our next storm? And how are we to truly be a support for others if we have not had the same or similar experience ourselves?
 
Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living” and nothing in my experience has been more powerful for examining my life than asking the question “Why?” - both proactively and reactively. Some of my greatest insights have come from asking Why while in the fetal position; why me? Why did this happen to me?
Life as you know it has ended. But never forget that there is so much more to “life” than you know. The mind only knows what has happened in the past and can only assume more of the same in the future - but there is so much more than we can imagine in store for us. We have all had the experience; “if I only knew then what I know now”.
I’ll never forget what my mother said to me a month before she died, “Ah honey, you just want to hold on to the happiness you have known, there is so much happiness coming your way, that you don’t know about.”
My mother, literally on her death bed, gave to me what she so often gave me though out my life: Hope!
 
If you or someone close to you is going through a significant loss, consider being as present as you can with the experience or returning to an experience you had similar to that of your friend- to empathize. Consider watching Brene Browns YouTube cartoon on empathy versus sympathy and you’ll hear her say, “Rising strong after a fall defines who we are.”
 
Only life as we know it ends, not life itself! To be born into a new life, does not the old life need to end?
Consider choosing the rebirth and not the death. 
 
Life brings us many gifts, be not restricted by the packaging - focus on the unfolding gift within.
 
Be present for yourself and others during the initial shock and attending fear - but know that underneath, in the dirt, a new life is emerging that will rise above it all and be beautiful. So get up and take that first step towards that “new life”! 
No matter the hardship, sometimes just showing up to what life has to give us - is making it a great week!
 
Choose life, choose hope and never forget what a difference a day can make. The sun will come out tomorrow.    


​Steve Luckenbach


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